SEND CRYPTO PEOPLE TULIPS

when the bubble bursts.


Send a tulip pic and a snarky crypto quote

  • United States +1
  • Canada +1
  • United States +1

(the smug feeling you'll get is priceless)
While functional, Send Crypto People Tulips is exclusively a joke; we've decided not to actually offer it for privacy reasons.
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How it works:

Step 1

Give us your crypto friend's phone number and their favorite cryptocurrency.

Step 2

When the markets crash, we text your friend a picture of a tulip and a snarky message.
(samples below)

Step 3

Relish in that fact that You Were Right™.

You'll never get back the time they spent talking about crypto, but somehow this makes it all okay.

SAMPLE SNARK

Inspired by things your crypto friends say.


$1 million

"It's going to go hit $1 million per coin."

It's Different

"Bitcoin and tulips have nothing in common."

Gold

"It's a store of value, like gold. Gold has a market cap of over $7 trillion."

$50,000

"I might sell when it hits $50,000."

1994

"It's like the Internet in 1994."

Market Fundamentals

"You don't get it. Traditional market fundamentals don't apply."

Millionaires

"There's not even 1 bitcoin per millionaire on the planet."

Opportunity

"This is the biggest financial opportunity of our lifetime."

SAMPLE TULIPS


What people are saying:

Give us your email and we'll send you more comedy + tech projects as they happen.


FAQs


Is this a real service?
Yes. If you pay us real money, we will send your friends pictures of tulips when the crypto markets crash.

What happens if (when) the crypto markets crash more than once?
$5 gets you a lot of snarky MMS messages. We'll send a tulip and a snarky quote any time the crypto you chose crashes by your chosen percentage throughout 2018.

What happens if the crypto I chose goes to $0 during that period?
We'll send your friend a link to Psychology Today's find-a-therapist tool.

Can I deliver snark to multiple people?
Yes, but you'll have to enter them each separately.

Wait is this zk-SNARK?
No zero-knowledge snark here, only fully 100% real-knowledge snark, delivered straight to their phone.

Why do you hate the future?
We don't, we just love irony. ConsenSys, if you're reading this, please hire us.

Can I send my friend an actual tulip?
Yes, but you'll have to do that yourself. Personal delivery shows you really care.

Can my friend unsubscribe?
Yes, unfortunately. Look forward to our next product, TulipFacts™ that doesn't allow unsubscribes.