Give us your crypto friend's phone number and their favorite cryptocurrency.
When the markets crash, we text your friend a picture of a tulip and a snarky message.
Relish in that fact that You Were Right™.
"It's going to go hit $1 million per coin."
"Bitcoin and tulips have nothing in common."
"It's a store of value, like gold. Gold has a market cap of over $7 trillion."
"I might sell when it hits $50,000."
"It's like the Internet in 1994."
"You don't get it. Traditional market fundamentals don't apply."
"There's not even 1 bitcoin per millionaire on the planet."
"This is the biggest financial opportunity of our lifetime."
"I'd buy that."
"Stop sending me f***ing tulips."
"You guys don't get it. This is a buy opportunity."
Is this a real service?
Yes. If you pay us real money, we will send your friends pictures of tulips when the crypto markets crash.
What happens if (when) the crypto markets crash more than once?
$5 gets you a lot of snarky MMS messages. We'll send a tulip and a snarky quote any time the crypto you chose crashes by your chosen percentage throughout 2018.
What happens if the crypto I chose goes to $0 during that period?
We'll send your friend a link to Psychology Today's find-a-therapist tool.
Can I deliver snark to multiple people?
Yes, but you'll have to enter them each separately.
Wait is this zk-SNARK?
No zero-knowledge snark here, only fully 100% real-knowledge snark, delivered straight to their phone.
Why do you hate the future?
We don't, we just love irony. ConsenSys, if you're reading this, please hire us.
Can I send my friend an actual tulip?
Yes, but you'll have to do that yourself. Personal delivery shows you really care.
Can my friend unsubscribe?
Yes, unfortunately. Look forward to our next product, TulipFacts™ that doesn't allow unsubscribes.